No disrespect to Mr. Burton. I love his films (well, the good ones). I just realized that I happen to be exactly what most of Tim Burton's characters look like. Don't believe me? I'll prove it!
1. I'm pale. Know who else is? For starters, anyone Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter have played in a Burton film (I know, shocking). Also, ANY WHITE PERSON FROM A BURTON FILM! It's true. If there's pigment onscreen during something Tim Burton directed, I guarantee it's not from a white person. Not even his Batman had a real tan. If Tim Burton directed "Jersey Shore" everyone would blend in with the sand, which incidentally is what happens to me at the beach.
2. I am a skinny person. I am a very skinny person. If you have ever seen one of Tim Burton's drawings, my point has already been made.
3. Pinstripes. I love pinstripes. I've got pinstripes on pants, shirts, jackets, bags, hats and, full disclosure, even underwear of mine. Apparently Tim Burton loves them too, since half of his characters are MADE of pinstripes.
4. If you were to look at my face, one thing that would stand right out are my eye circles, which I get from not sleeping a lot, a tradition I've held since I was a wee lad. Now, look at Jack Skellington, or Sweeney Todd, or Helena Bonham Carter. Dark eye circles alllllllllll the time. You saw it!!!
5. SOCIALLY AWKWARD, NEXT POINT
6. Scissorhands. I haven't trimmed my nails in a while. They are getting sharp. No topiaries yet though.
7. I can't sing.
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